Just Start

Searching for that reason to care
You know you should; you don't
But today, you are searching for one reason
just one...to re-engage
Must break this dangerous pattern of nothingness
Who can help?
You need help...or do you?
Is this avoidance? laziness? lack of compelling purpose? cause for real concern?
Who can you call?
No, no, no, hmmmm...no, spoke to him last time
Don't want to share this with her
No, no, no, hmmm...they will listen...but...
The irony is, you also want anonymity
So we won't call anyone
But this state blows
And caring is very important, so how do you make it happen?
You feel a bit of a chill because this whole thing
reeks of ingratitude, irresponsibility, ignorance...
and you know that you are possibly insulting Him
But you can't fake it with Him
Oh, yeh! Him!

You open His Word
Isaiah
"For your Maker is your bridegroom"
"For even if the mountains walk away
and the hills fall to pieces
My love won't walk away from you"
"But anyone who runs to Me for help
will inherit the land,
will end up owning My holy mountain!"

And you are thankful that you serve a God who understands you
Who knows your imperfections and loves you so much anyway
A God who wants your vulnerability, wants you to confide in Him
A God who can make you whole
A God for whom you do not have to pretend
And a God who, while loving and compassionate, does require action

You look around at the blessings
the success
the messes
the imperfections
And you decide to start from right where you are
It's OK
Just start

"Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I Am.'"


Keri S. Smith

MOVE

I started to cry
The tears wouldn't stop
It was so beautiful to see her
Young and proud, dancing her heart out for someone she loved
Doing whatever she could to support finding a cure for him
If a cure was even possible
As I watched her
I thought about my own hopes, my big dreams...my purpose yet unfulfilled
And I cried
I was so proud of her, so inspired
And honestly, I was cut to the core by her example
She shone a bright light on my inaction
So much talk, and yet no consistent momentum
As she danced, spoke boldly for her cause
I was impressed
I looked at her through my tears, and felt grateful
Thank you so much for your example, for the lesson
You reminded me that there is just no excuse
Get up
Move, act, do something...anything
Praise Him with your talents
MOVE
GET OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE
MOVE, MOVE, MOVE
Dance your heart out, make a difference
The world needs you, me, us
MOVE

Keri S. Smith

That is Why

With time you sometimes forget
The rationale, the sound reasons why
You sugarcoat the past
The good
There is always some good
As reminiscing becomes reality
You get comfortable, and ride the wave
And then something happens
It triggers the pain
the dirt and ugly underbelly
You slap yourself
That is why
You remember the decision had a purpose
That is why
And you pray that you never again forget


Keri S. Smith

Making Peace with Dah Process

OMG, it really can drive you bonkers
Bureaucracy
Slaves to the process
Rigidity that gives you nightmares
Paper, paper, paper and more paper
Goodbye thought
Goodbye spontaneity
Goodbye dynamism
Goodbye productivity
You should appreciate the persistence
That stalker-like follow up
It's really, really good
And because you know it is needed
That there is value in it
You keep biting your swollen tongue
And tell your inner big green guy, that today's not that day
You remind yourself that process is necessary
You have to respect it
And you smile secretly
Cause you know no one is gonna tame the rebel
Ain't no one gonna quench that spirit
Sap your power
You can play the game, play it well
Do the parts you don't like
And still enjoy the fire that is you
You whisper to greenie that it is all good
There's a season for everything


Keri S. Smith

Control the Tentacles

And you're up
The tentacles begin their search for what to latch on to
Are we happy today?
What was it that we had to worry about again?
Are we mad? Upset? Indifferent?
You're in a quandary
The tentacles extend, pushing through to help discern
what kind of mood we will be in today
Is today a power day?
Or an 'I don't feel like it' day?
Can we hide out?
Or must we show up?
What are we really about?
Mental renewal is a heck of a thing
It is mandatory
Critical to function
The tentacles need strict guidance
each moment
We need constant reminders of purpose
Bind them around your neck
Write them on your heart
Danger abounds in foolish thinking
Channel the tentacles, give them only one pathway
Guard the heart with much diligence
It is the wellspring of life


Keri S. Smith

Amen to a God of Specifics

You've been through tough times before
You committed that this time would be different
You would follow what He said from beginning to end
It got really tough
You prayed
You read
He promised that He would deliver
He said be anxious for nothing
You saw how others trusted Him through much worse
and were blessed
Daniel, Job, Jesus
It got tougher, uglier
You prayed in aggregate and in detail
You got really specific
Like Nehemiah, you shared a plan
You asked Him to bless it
You read some more
You got comfort from the Word
You remembered Him asleep on the ship in that horrendous storm
His followers in such a panic
He calmly awakes and says to the worriers "O ye of little faith"
He rebukes the wind and the seas, and all is well
Then the situation got even louder
You thought about tactics of old - the debilitating worry, the panicked planning, fault finding, the insecurity
And with His help, you had no use for such behavior
You stood up and took action
You surprised yourself - you were not worried
You 100% banked on His Word, and showed up each and every day...through it all
And with it came confidence, a new level of leadership
Your Friend had your back
He said you could do all things through Him
He expected much, and provided much
Amen. Amen. Amen. You found peace in the midst of chaos
You held on tight to His Word
He made you stronger, ready for the next battle
How awe-inspiring
You are left so grateful, so inspired, so in love
Muchas gracias for the gift


Keri S. Smith

Habits

Sweeping clean
It's in the past
New resolve
Fresh perspective
You've grown up
and all the time everything you say is in comparison to It
How to avoid It
Get rid of It
Move beyond It
Forget It
And somehow you can't quite run away from It
BECAUSE of the sheer mental energy you spend on
analyzing, dissecting, and solving for...It
Man, oh, man
So now you are trying a novel approach
Don't worry about trying to stop It
Just find a new IT to focus on
A more worthy IT, a healthier IT
Hallelujah for the new and improved...IT


Keri S. Smith

Unleashing the Cat

Let's do it
You and me
A private room
I am ready for you
I have my cat o'nine tails
and my shiny purple boots
with spiked heels


::lash #1::
For all the times you spoke to me in your deep, condescending voice
As if I were a little biddy thing, who had absolutely no clue about life
As if I were just too helpless to manage myself in such a big man's world

::lash #2::
For all the times you didn't allow me to finish a sentence
You not only raised your voice
You interrupted me, feeling that what you had to say was more important
You oozed machismo, and added no value

::lash #3::
For all the times you got away with bloody murder
You stayed protected by working the buddy & drinks network
And someone else had to do what you were supposed to
Or clean up after you

::lash #4::
For all the times you could not admit that you were wrong
You became so creative trying to justify your way
You ignored the looks of pity, disgust and shock
And dug even deeper

::lash #5::
For all the times you were so nice
And made us like you, love you
Then you changed again and embraced the ugly
Trampling our trust

::lash #6::
For all the times you denied the true you
That beauty we know is there
Just to massage your ego
And pander to current philosophies

You discipline those you care about, right?
Well, let me be honest
My primary focus right now is me
I need to maintain peace and love when I interact with you
Forgiveness
Of course I too am flawed
And I do not ever want to get to that place where anger is dominant
Where I feel the need to actually pull out the whip
That good ole cat 'o nine
For a person who can't control their spirit
is the most damned of all


Keri S. Smith

You're What I See

I am not even sure why I kinda like you
When I analyzed the data points
Compared it to past trends
I narrowed it down to a couple of things
You respect and love Him
You make me laugh
You are witty, smart
You are multi-faceted
You are sexy
You're there
So what's the hold up?
I did some more analytics and found that
You remind me sometimes of Hugh Hef and Casanova
You talk but don't always act
You often don't get what a woman wants
I am not comfortable being vulnerable with you
I am not sure if you can handle me
But you are there
You make me smile
You are cute
You entertain me
Fill a gap
I can dig you
We have a connection
There's a lot still to explore
But I know that there is a good reason why I never left the "kinda like" phase, and probably never will
Experience has taught me not to invest much here
I ain't mad - the world's my oyster
Patience pays back in spades
Dinner's almost ready
Yum


Keri S Smith

The Raw & The Beautiful

You see her and are transfixed
She is so happy, loudly confident, and alive
Pulsating beauty
She loves life, and is fiercely protective of her special ones
She flouts convention and is often bawdy
People love being around her
She makes you smile, and sometimes wish to be her

But you know that she often goes too far
She likes to shock, cross the line
She spits on the rules
And while you love her freedom of expression - find her so refreshing
You admit that not all of her movements are wise
She seems to buy into empty philosophies about what it is to be a powerful woman
Much of moral law is antiquated, restrictive, sexist
She is definitely courageous; but sometimes she pushes too much, and debases herself
No one dares to guide her, to correct her - to consider that there could be 'an extreme' that is wrong
She is too darn entertaining, too much of a bright spark in this world
They love her way too much to risk killing such amazing energy
And although you know better
That much of what she does is anti-Him
You can honestly find in her a kindred spirit
That candor, the truthfulness of her being her
You also want to embrace the rawness of your humanity
To live you
The truth, no sugar
To say it, how you really want to say it
Guttural, raw, full of fire
Refusing a lukewarm existence
Living without doubt, with light in your life
And that's what you really see in her
so Raw...so Beautiful


Keri S. Smith

Greatest Time Waster Known to Man

Darn pretty colors!
Alluring, entertaining
Hotter than reality
Feel...brain...turning...to...mush
Don't care, must keep soaking it up
Yeah, sometimes you hear the conscience
And to assuage the guilt, you make it all legit
For heaven's sake - I am watching educational programs
So what if it was four hours? This is CNN, man
When that argument falls flat, you try the 'pity me' route
It was a long day! I worked hard! Don't you dare blame me for wanting to relax with shows where you don't have to think
Now, you're secretly getting sick of the routine
You see yourself mirrored in some of the losers in the glass
T.V. is the love of your life
You worship this piece of junk
And while that should sadden you...terrify you
You look up and it's still on
You're transfixed
The stupid monster, your best friend, just won't go away
And the hours pass and days go by
Dreams turn to dust
You consider killing the beast
Cancel cable? Sell the contraption?
But what about your buddies - Larry King? David Letterman? Lauren Conrad (*gag*)
Do we really need such extremes?
Couldn't we just be disciplined and turn the stupid thing off
Ha-ha-ha
Addiction doesn't go away that quickly
I need rehab
Rehab
Rehab
Less I am convicted of murdering my best friend in the world
Doesn't sound so bad really
Once past withdrawal, productivity will rule the day
And I will finally be free

Keri S. Smith

Different World

I am ready
Engines are revved
Experience has bred wisdom
Got a new attitude
Mold me, make me
We got our conquer on
Courage, Discipline, Anticipation, and Faith are all in the mix

There is much to do
And blessings galore
No more waiting
Trash the excuses
Here I am
Leverage me

Answer The Call

He said you were special
You were His
He told you how to succeed
How to stay blessed
He blessed you
He loved you
You listened
You didn't fully understand
You rebelled
He warned you what would happen if you did
You were glib, immature, blind
A reckless fool
You rebelled some more

And He loved you
He reached out
He encouraged
Shared role models
You ignored Him
He disciplined
You were stubborn
He disciplined some more - made sure you heard this time
You were humbled
You listened
His Word helped you understand
In tears, you finally saw the mess you had made
How did this happen? This was not you
Even as you regretted it, the pull was still there

Just stop please
Aren't you tired of being here?
This is not you

Believe Him
What would happen if you truly believed what He said?
He wants to give you more than you could ever imagine
Do you get that?!
Allow Him to bless you
He's been reaching out
Aching for you
Allow Him to love you
You don't need to settle for the short-term rush
Don't insult Him
Don't insult yourself
He is always right
Don't pretend otherwise
You'll get hurt

Just Be patient
You know hard-work is required
But you've worked hard before
Remember Him, you and where you want to go
Resist the folly
You can do this
He will always help you
Such strength and power are yours for the taking
If you follow the plan

The stakes are high
Stay strong, beautiful
He's rooting for you


Keri S. Smith

Open It Up

Self-sufficient
Independent
Reticent about asking for help
Not wanting to bother people
Preferring to give than to receive
Sometimes in the extreme
Priding yourself on that
Relishing the joy associated with helping others
But stubborn about reaching out and asking for help
Denying them that same pleasure
Until you are forced to
You become so weak, you can hardly speak or move
You are in so much pain
When there is no possible way that you can do it alone
Where without them, without them...you are not sure what would have become of you
And the kindness
The loving caress, word, gesture
Brings tears to your eyes
And you are overwhelmed by the generosity
It feels awkward, but you embrace the rawness of the emotions
You marvel at how easily strangers have become your best friends
How much friends really love you
And how your acceptance of their kindness blesses them as much as you are blessed by them


Keri S. Smith

I am Not a Guinea Pig

I think I am pretty patient
I try to show mercy, so that the same can be shown to me
But every now and then
Every now and then
Someone or Something just makes me want to lose it
Fine, everyone needs to learn
How can we get better if we don't practice?
I get it, and am OK with it
But, when it is late at night, and I am quite unwell
Please, I beg you, please
Do not wake me up to practice
I empathize that you didn't get what the more experienced people saw
I get that you want to see it
To improve, to be the best you can be
But right now, right now
I don't have the patience to be your guinea pig
And after you tried for a long time and weren't successful
I wasn't mad, I was just tired
My head was killing me, I just wanted a break
But did you have to ask the one who was successful for pointers while you were still in hearing distance?
Yes, you want to learn, you want to improve
But it's not just about you
And while I work to be patient, and kind
Can you please at least pretend that I am more than a test case for you to learn?
That you are not just using me to fine-tune your skills?
That you care about my well-being
And I in turn will be more than happy for you to leverage me to enhance your knowledge


Keri S. Smith

I Am Nothing, He is Everything

You really don't know anything
You speak as if tomorrow is a given
As if you have any clue about what the future days will hold
As if you are in control of life, health, strength
And then you are humbled
You recognize the arrogance
And you still think you know something
That you can predict some of the basics about tomorrow
And again you are humbled
And you realize that you know nothing
That everything is a gift
That you have been richly blessed
That you have taken much for granted
That the only thing that is sure is Him and following His Word
That when all is stripped away, it's only His love that sustains you
And you cry as you learn the lesson...as you try to get all that He is teaching you
As you recognize how gracious He has been
And experience that all other foundation is sinking sand
You begin to see that you really can do nothing without Him
And through the tears, you understand that bread alone will not sustain you
But every word that proceeds out of His mouth provides life
And you embrace peace, because worrying will do nothing, planning can be futile and prayers work wonders
He's in control of all
And all things work together for good to those who love Him


Keri S. Smith

Instant Gratification Sweetly Sucketh

I want it NOW!
Gimme MORE!
Entertain me, Feed me, Pamper me, Relax me, Reward me
X-me
You won't? It can't? Wait?
No!

She always tries to remind us of the promises, the better we have planned
And we block her out
Why won't she just shut up? Doesn't she know that we are on a mission to satisfy the want now and nothing will ruin our fun?
Me-now, Me-now, Me-now

Yes...in the moment...it feels...good
Admit it
And in the next, as the happy quickly transpires, that me is again left to clean up the mess
Admit it
Oh, how she wishes she were heard before the moment, so that she could strangle some sense into us
And makes us see that a little patience, a little faith, will lead us to a more permanent joy


Keri S. Smith

Using Hello as an Attack

Yo!
I know you know me
I know you saw me
I know you are trying to avoid me

FORGET THAT - "Hello! YOU HEARD ME?! HELLLLO!"
Your mama or someone taught you manners
Whatever is bugging you
If you have ought against me
If you just don't feel in the mood
Doesn't matter
Open your mouth and say something - doesn't even have to be "Hello"...I'll take a "Hi"
You know what? You can even shut your mouth and just nod in my general direction
BUT don't act like you didn't see me
Especially since you almost knocked me over in your hurry to look the other way

Consider yourself notified
Malice and bad manners are just so last season
I promise you this
I will see you
AND I will tell you "Hello"...as loudly as is required

Keri S. Smith

That Place

It doesn't really qualify as a happy place
But it is where you sometimes go when you want to suspend reality, to be comforted, to pretend
You created the oasis
The different scenes, multiple plots
Characters change with the seasons of your emotions and experiences
And overtly or not, you always have one of the starring roles

This place is not for kids
It is never illegal
It is a bit of wishful thinking
And in some cases, it is something you hope never, ever comes true
Can't call it ugly
But when you are honest, you admit that sometimes it is not truly good

The place serves some purpose...it continues to exist
And every now and then
You re-enter, play your part, and play it well

Keri S. Smith

Stay True to the Purple, Darling

It's part of the process
The yucky part?
Wading through the seas until you again find that special magic
Self-coaching is involved
Because you remember that whenever you shut that door, or ignored it
Life was good
You had fun
You conquered
You were satisfied
But you are an all-rounder, and want to experience all He put out there
So, you self-coach to make it a big party
To smile through the mistakes, the unknowns, the disappointments, the smacks
And you stay open, remembering your core
and living it all like there was no tomorrow
Sans resentment
Sans fear
NEXT-ing quickly through the toxic thems
And just being you - bright, lively and loving, purple brilliance

Keri S. Smith