NightmAIRs - Another Airline Fiasco

How much frustration can you bear before you totally lose it? Thankfully, I am yet to find out.

After an exhausting few days, I was looking forward to getting back home. I arrive at the airport and am told that I have been re-booked on a later flight, with a connection on a different airline. I think "no problem", I have a lot of things I can do as I wait for the plane. I check my bags, go through security and use my laptop until it is time to board. When I land I walk over to the service agent and ask where I need to go for the connecting flight. It wasn't within walking distance. I have to take a bus. Fine. I still had 1 hr and 20 mins. before my flight was scheduled to depart. To be on the safe side, I ask the agent to re-confirm my reservation, especially since it was on a different airline. After I get the OK, I head for the shuttle.

Twenty minutes later, I find the stop and board the shuttle. At the connecting airline location, I walk to the kiosk and swipe my credit card. The only reservation that shows up is for "Ken Smith". Didn't I ask the agent to ensure I was on the flight?

Sigh. I join the line to speak to the counter clerk. An airline rep approaches me and asks me why I am in the line. I tell her I can't find my reservation. She smiles at me and tells me that sometimes the machines don't work so I should try again. I leave the line and she accompanies me back to the kiosk. I swipe the card. No reservation. Duh. She smiles and laughs sheepishly. I try to smile, but can't. I walk back and re-join the line.

At the counter I explain my story to the clerk. She checks the system. She sees my name. Eureka! Wait, I hear her telling me that she sees a reservation but no ticket. She can't let me board the plane without a ticket. Fair enough. However, since I paid, I would like to board the plane. Pretty please. She tells me that the other airline made an error in the ticketing process and I don't have a ticket. She calls the other airline. No answer. She calls again. No answer. After the third try she gives up. She tells me she can't help me. "Go to the ticketing line please."

Sigh. I walk to the ticketing line. There is no one at the counter. I turn around. Yes, the sign says "Ticketing." I ask a nearby rep if I am in the right place, she says yes. She tells me to wait for the appropriate rep who is now on break and will be back in 10 mins. OMG.

I wait. After 8 mins., Mr. Break returns and keeps his head down as he focuses on his computer screen. Hello?! I am the only person in his line, and did I mention that I have less than half-an-hour to catch a flight that I-don't-have-a-ticket-for? He still doesn't look up. I decide to make him. I walk closer to the counter and say hello. He tells me to wait because he needs to first log in to his computer.

I wait. He asks how he can help me. I tell him the story. I am becoming sick of this story. He tells me the same thing as the counter clerk, ticketing mistake, no ticket, blah, blah, blah. He calls the other airline. They put him on hold. They return and acknowledge the mistake. He tells me I need to go back to their counter for them to resolve it. Yes - the counter in that distant land - a bus ride way. I ask about my bags, he doesn't know where they are, but the other airline should be able to help. He says sorry. At this point I wonder if it is the right time to dissolve into a noisy, messy, completely gratifying and totally useless hissy fit. I consider trying out for the first time my Incredible Hulk routine. I am ultra frustrated. Then, I remember that God said that He doesn't give me more than I can bear. I hold on to to that passage...squeeze tight...pulverize it...and then embrace it. I tell the agent thanks and leave.

When I get back to the original airline I am greeted by a line. I wait. Is there any other option? Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a woman trying to cut the line. I give her a hard stare. She misses it as she never looks in my direction. Doesn't matter - I know that there is no way Ms. Line Cutter is getting ahead of me. And she doesn't.

Finally I get to speak to the agent. I repeat the story. I might gag on this story. She starts to tell me that it was because I was late that I missed the flight. I think about what it would be like to leap over the counter. I calmly tell Ms. Jump to the Wrong Conclusions that it was her airline error that caused the issue. She gets it and tries to help. Somehow during the process I get passed over to a young and personable guy. I tell him the story. Sigh. It's OK though because he seems more on top of things. Mr. Young and Personable tells me there are no more flights for the day. I had already assumed that, and knew that later I would have to manage the impact on scheduled activities, but for now I just wanted a new flight booking and a place to stay for the night.

Mr. Young and Personable re-books me and gives me a hotel voucher. I ask for a meal voucher. No, they don't have those anymore. I look at him incredulously and say nothing. He prints out the relevant documentation for the flight. I ask him to guarantee that there will be no more errors. He walks me through the documentation. I ask him again to ensure I won't have any problems tomorrow. I think he feels my pain as he goes to the back room and returns with his supervisor. She tells him to give me a 2-night stay at the hotel vs. 1 so that I would not be homeless during the day while I waited for the next flight. True customer service rears its head and I was surprised and touched. I thank them. They apologize for the mess - it took them 1 hour to say sorry - but it is exactly what I need to hear. After the supervisor leaves, I look at Mr. Young and Personable and decide to tell him something. Although I didn't go all Big Green Hulk on him, I know and have seen other customers do that. I tell him that he has the right attitude and calm personality that will work very well with frustrated customers. He beams, smiles and then laughs with me.

I leave in search of the hotel shuttle. I wait. I hear screaming. I look down - it's my feet. Trudging to and fro in high heels is brutal. I wait. A driver pulls up and asks me what I am waiting for. This is his third time around the circle and has seen me standing there for a while. I tell him what hotel shuttle I want. He proceeds to describe how the shuttle would look- the color and exactly where on the shuttle the sign with the name of the hotel would be located. How nice of him. Wait. Do I seem mentally challenged? After giving his description, he smiles and leaves. As soon as he drives off, the hotel shuttle I need arrives. How ironic or funny. Maybe later I will figure out which one and give the appropriate response.

The shuttle doors open, and I limp inside. I collapse on the seat and lean my head on the railing. I can't wait to get to the hotel room and finally eat dinner. Oops - no meal voucher. I guess I will snack on my crushed banana.

I am tired, hungry and feeling beige, but I know I am blessed. I have a place to stay, a flight confirmation, my Bible, my laptop, one outfit (I am wearing it), and a dented banana. There are others worse off. I think.

I pray that I never repeat this day.

Fly Much?

You know you are a very frequent flier when on Sunday you get to church extra early and have your pick of seats, and the usher asks you where you want to go, and you say "I'd like an aisle seat, please".

When the Brat Attack is Justified...

*Almost every week for several months, you travel with the same carry-on luggage. You stow it with no problems in the overhead compartment of the plane. This week...this week!...they decide to tell you that the bag is too big to go on the plane and that they have started charging people for bags. You politely explain that you have been travelling with their airline for what seems like forever with no issues. They still ask you to put your bag into the silver grilled case to test if it can actually fit on the plane.

DOES ANYONE'S roller bag EVER PERFECTLY fit into those things?



You are obedient and proceed to put your bag - yes, the same one you carry every week - into that silver thing. It fits half-way. They start to tell you that you need to check your bag. That if you force your bag into the overhead compartment on the plane the same way you are forcing it into that silver thing, you will scratch the plane. You look at them - long and hard. You mumble something about never scratching their plane.

You check your bag and the inner brat THREATENS to come out. But you are silent and play it cool. You are just so annoyed with these jokers and their policy and wonder to yourself what on earth is the value of the elite status you hold on their airline, if you can't even carry a simple roller bag onto their plane.


------


*You browse the store and select 2 magazines. You hear a noise from the cashier that sounds something like $11.95. You look up at the register. You heard right. $11.95 for 2 magazines. You return one of them. That day has come. You can no longer casually buy magazines. Rationing is in effect.

My 'Come Hither' Voice

Arranging to be picked up from the airport can be interesting. During my interactions with the various booking representatives, I have been addressed as "sir", more than once. Funnily enough, this is after I have been on the phone speaking for over a minute. I always laughingly tell the reps. that I am a "lady", and they always apologize profusely.

The "sir" phenomenon does not happen every time I call...actually, it occurs in less than 1% of my interactions. Either way, I don't lose any sleep over it. I say, go ahead, call me "sir" if you like...I will chalk it up to my having a great "come hither voice". Right???

*Sigh* What's a "sir" to do? ;)

This Week's Airline Quoteables

The fun in the air continues....

• Stewardess opens the overhead compartment and a pillow flies out and hits a passenger in the face. The stewardess says "Pillow fight!"
  


• Stewardess standing in the aisle, going through the safety procedures. She has on the inflated vest and patiently waits...and waits, there is no announcer guiding her through the required actions. Announcer comes back on laughing and says, "Ohhh, we didn't do that part!"
  


• Passengers are reminded to turn off our cellphones and if we don't, then according to the stewardess, we will risk "losing lavatory privileges" for the remainder of the long flight

Job's The Man

That's all you got? Gimme more.

- Sitting in my seat on the plane, minding my own business, planning to drink my ice cold water. Mr. Ex-Footballer returns to his seat, not gracefully, and upends the entire contents of my water on to my lap

- Checking into hotel after long day, waiting 15 mins for manager to return as he is the only one who knows which rooms are clean. Finally get assigned a room. Enter room, walk a few steps, see opened suitcases and a used bathroom. Wait half-an-hour until I am re-assigned to a new room, that is not only clean, but where I am the only occupant

- Logging onto computer and greeted by blue screen of death. Several reboots later, blue screen of death still grins at me. Well, there's always the Blackberry, except of course for the North American outage and the Sim Card Errors that choose to coincide with the blue screen dilemma

- Ordering a veggie burrito at the airport and requesting that it be cut in half. No. They can't cut it in half, because the law in that state says it is illegal for them to cut people's sandwiches. However, I was given a plastic knife and plate so that I could cut the burrito in half myself. Who cuts a fat veggie burrito with a plastic knife? (Note: I am still stunned about the law...need to research that one)

Through it all I think of Job in the Old Testament. I am alive. I am healthy. There is no death. I have food to eat and family and friends and faith. I am not Job. These situations are nothing compared to what he went through and survived and was blessed.

Bring it on. Gimme more.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Job_(Biblical_figure)

Pistol Whipped Through the Friendly Skies

Recently, I had to travel from NY to the west coast for business and got spanked - along with my fellow passengers - by our chosen airline. I was surprised, and then later amused, by the behaviour of the crew as they went about providing service. The average service was good, but the lows went below the belt.

Let me share some examples with you...

Spank #1

A poor, clueless gentleman is gabbing away on his mobile phone and was sharply told to "hang up the phone right now and store your bags!", because it was soon time for take off. Yes, Clueless gentleman should have known better, but the flight attendant could have reprimanded him as if he were an adult vs. a 2-year old.

Spank #2

Sitting near the back of the aircraft, I was able to overhear some of the crew's whispered comments. Apparently the passenger in row #16 was so "high maintenance" simply because he/she had the gall to ask that their change from a purchase be returned to them.

Spank # 3

I felt sorry for the passenger beside me, who when she followed my lead in asking the flight attendant to include her trash in the passing garbage cart - which had started from the back, where we sat, and was heading up the aisle - , was told snidely to "just hold on because the cart needed to start from the top of the aisle and come down" and that "everyone's garbage would be collected." My fellow passenger and I had to exchange glances/smirks at that one. Why be mean when someone politely asks to place garbage in your garbage cart?

Aside from being spanked, we were also subjected to 'Skyway' Robbery.

Hold Up #1

We were expected to pay $10 to watch last season movies on our own (provided by the airline) digi players. No, thanks - some of those movies are even too old for cable. I choose sleep.

Hold Up # 2

One elderly passenger was brave enough to request an entire can of Coke and was asked by the flight attendant if she would "really finish the whole can?". It was only after the passenger confirmed that, yes, indeed she could finish a whole can, that she was handed the full container of Coke.

Hold Up #3

Another passenger was so dehydrated that he practically begged for a bottle of water. The flight attendant apparently had never received such a request as she hesitated and then conferred with her co-workers. After some discussion, she returned with the answer that the water would cost $10.

Mr. Dehydrated's girlfriend couldn't help but exclaim loudly: "$10 for a bottle of water?!".

I think she embarrassed the flight attendant, who ended up giving Mr. Dehydrated his bottle of water at no cost. Thank heavens... the guy had already shelled out $5 for a box of snacks - which attempted to represent breakfast.

The good news is that despite the spankings and robbery, the majority of the flight ran smoothly and the crew redeemed themselves by showing genuine smiles and punctuating further offerings of service with "would you like anything else?".

For other adventures in the air, see:

http://kerijam.blogspot.com/search/label/adventures%20in%20the%20air

Travelling on "Budget" - Searching for the Benefits

It's been an interesting week of travel adventures for me (stay tuned for my future article on being "Pistol Whipped through the Friendly Skies"). Today, thank God, I made it to Jamaica safely, in spite of the well-known budget airline I selected for the trip.

During the flight home, I was tapped on the knee by the flight attendant and told in a patronizing tone that I needed to listen to the announcement on Exit rows since I happened to be seated in the exit row. Ok, fine - I was on my cell, so thanks for getting my attention...but even if I overlooked your tone, was a knee tap really necessary? Incident #1.

Some time after the knee tap, I tolerated being treated like a kindergartner. How else do you explain the fact that my fellow passengers and I were told to be verrry careful filling out our customs forms, to not "rush completion", or "make any mistakes" because there were only a limited number of forms available. Do I really look like I would have difficulties correctly completing my name, address, and passport number? Incident #2.

I landed in Kingston starved and dehydrated as I refused to pay $2 for water and ignored whatever ridiculous price they were hawking for food. No big deal...I was in good spirits - very happy to be home.

I made it through customs relatively quickly and patiently waited for my luggage at carousel 2. I waited, and waited until I heard the announcement that there were no more bags coming. My two checked bags hadn't arrived. Tomorrow is Christmas day. I have one outfit - and I happen to be wearing it. Incident #3.

I will fast forward past the painful process of filling out the luggage claims forms, past my advising the budget airline staff on how to effectively manage an irate crowd, and skip over how I maintained a sense of calm throughout an extremely tedious 2-3 hours, where there was limited communication from the budget airline staff*. I will fast forward right up to the point where I shake my head vigorously, point my arms to the heavens and ask no one in particular a critical question:

What on earth is the benefit of a budget airline, if they

a) charge you for every single service (e.g. a sip of water, each piece of checked luggage, which have yet to arrive),

b) treat you like a moron and

c) do not even provide you with a cheap deal on ticket prices?!!

*At this point I stopped counting the number of incidents

Kicking It Up

Raised hand.

1:

"Excuse me, he is kicking my chair. I have asked him to stop and he is kicking my chair on purpose"

2:

"Can you please stop kicking her chair?"

3:

"I am not"

1:

"He's telling me I should move. You move! You're kicking my chair!"

3: Shaking head

2:

"Sir, we are in the air, and this is a 5-hour flight, if you don't stop kicking her chair, and if she complains again, someone will have to move"

The above is a scene I witnessed on an airplane from LA to NY. Two adults - one female, one male. The female raised her hand to complain to the flight attendant about the kicker behind her. I would have burst out laughing if I wasn't so shocked at the ridiculousness of the whole event.

You really never lose the child in you, huh?

No Nos at Customs

• Walking slower than 30 mph when you leave the plane, if you don't want to be stuck at the back of the line


• Asking questions of anyone walking at 30mph


• Asking for permission to switch to another line because you are "in a hurry" (5-minute lecture from Custom Officer, interspersed with "everyone is just doing their job", likely to ensue)


• Using cellphone in front of Border Control Officer


• Filling out forms - which were handed out on plane - near the front of line while waiting to be called


• Not having the right amount of grease on your fingertips to enable speedy fingerprinting


• Asking which direction to exit after you have been cleared through the line

What other No Nos exist? Thoughts?

Blogging from the Plane

Woke up from my nap on the flight back from Indianapolis to New York to find that we had landed. Good - great to be home. Then I heard that we had landed in Virginia. What exactly happened while I slept???

Word on the street is that we needed to refuel. However, I am here sitting on the runway and conflicting rumours abound. Apparently we have 1) refuelled and no one knows why we are waiting; 2) the person who is supposed to refuel didn't come to work and so apparently we wait indefinitely; 3) we have refuelled, but because of the weather, La Guardia airport is closed and will re-open at some point in the future.

Sensing a potential uproar, the flight attendant just handed us another bag of pretzels. The pilot hesitantly walked to the bathroom and was accosted with: why are we here? when will we leave? we want our mummies...Well, Mr. Pilot is just as lost as we are and said that he is waiting for "management" to tell him what is going on.

Now some passengers are speaking about their rights, while others are cussing to friends on their cells. I think I may be the only one currently online blogging. I must say that after all the grief that my Verizon Wireless card has given me, today it has redeemed itself. Let's see how long it lasts.

I hope I will get home someday. In the meantime I remain calm, and look forward to the next round of pretzels. Oh! the drink cart is coming... I hear the options are ginger ale or ginger ale...

How's your Friday night?

Interesting Moments

Moment 1:
I was on a flight to Indianapolis this week, and one of the passengers boarding the plane said:
"Can we just take any seat?"
The flight attendant responded "Sir, your seat number is on your boarding pass."

Moment 2:
Three types of bathrooms in the Indianapolis airport:
a) Men
b) Women
c) Family (Picture of Man, Woman and child in the middle holding each parent's hand)