I can't predict how long I will be here, but as long as I am, I want to be happy. I am committed to a joyous existence on planet earth.
I have begun to aggressively guard my state of happiness.Through different life events, events that sap my energy, frustrate me, confuse me, sadden me, hurt me, anger me, and then really anger me, I don't allow them to shake my foundation of happiness. I call time on my pity parties, venting sessions, and nasty thoughts. I say "Keri, you have exactly X amount of time to feel sorry for yourself/doubt yourself/think badly about that jerk/take mental cheap shots, etc., but at the end of X time you will again honor your happiness vow." My goal is to continually decrease the magnitude of X, so that it eventually becomes close to 0 seconds - right now I am averaging between 15 minutes to 1/2 a day depending on the event.
My pursuit of happiness was very hard at first. Hard to control the knee-jerk reactions. I feel hurt, but can't return that hurt? I did not achieve something I wanted, but can't berate myself forever and ever? I want to throttle that idiot, but need to have a measured response? After suffering through a few self-inflicted tongue-bites, hand twists, wall poundings and mental wrestling matches, I am pleased to report that I have seen significant improvements in my reactions to life situations. I act like a twerp, it doesn't take me days to realize it, I repent a lot sooner. I positively reinforce myself vs. being my toughest critic. Someone says something inappropriate to me, I respectfully let them know it is not appreciated, I won't accept it, and please do better next time because I expect a lot more. I don't say hurtful things to them or mentally wish them the worst.
In all, I look for something constructive in every interaction, and focus on finding the life lesson. It has been rewarding and I feel like I am operating on a different level. Maturity feels wonderful. I realize now that maturity has to be present if I truly want to sustain my state of happiness.
M, please continue this journey with me. I won't give you up, because M, you make me feel way too good!
2 comments:
Development is often confusing and even painful but in the final analysis the outcomes are rewarding. The renewal of our minds is central to achieving our purpose in this life. Good to see vibrant renewal in your life!
An awakening is so exciting. Welcome back.
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